You know you?re in Africa when?

You know you’re in Africa when…

1. Mzungu. Point Blank.
2. You don’t need an alarm clock because a 5-year-old African child jumps on you.
3. You think you have a Chaco tan but it’s really just dirt.
4. You take a cold shower every day and you turn into a new level of stank.
5. Beans and rice.
6. 5 hour church services. 4 days a week.
7. 20 people cram into a 6-person bus.
8. You almost get run over daily.
9. Punctuality is only a suggestion.
10. Getting peed on by an orphan is a daily occurrence.
11. You kill a mosquito and yell “MALARIA” and feel accomplished.
12. You paid to get your hair ripped out.
13. Everyone smells so bad you think you smell good, but in reality, you stank.
14. If you don’t poop longer than 10 minutes something is wrong.
15. You wake up to African men having a tea party on your porch at 2am.
16. JESUS IS LAWD…amen.
17. “Hash tag” is a word you use on the daily.
18. Everyone is your mom.
19. When Dari manages to change 1 syllable words into 27 syllable words….PA-RA-EHC-A
20. You start picking up a northern accent.
21. Lights are out at 10 but the church service seems to start back up at 11.
22. Your bathroom is a zoo full of bugs and lizards.
23. Bug spray burns your nose hairs.
24. A child’s mode of transportation to school is a donkey.
25. You have to have good aim in a squatty or else you’ll pee on your feet.
26. “My Redeemer Lives” plays 11 times in a row.
27. You blow your nose and red dirt comes out.
28. Your try to fix your bug net, but your “bed” breaks.
29. Sass is real.
30. You see Obama everywhere… even when you’re across the world.
31. You forget how to shower or what a shower is.
32. You don’t have Internet, so you journal 24/7.
33. Your laundry comes back browner than before.
34. A flashlight is your best friend.
35. The air smells like a mixture of BO and smoke.
36. Random babies get thrown at you.
37. Rainbow looms.
38. Your water taste like dirt.
39. They’re called malaria nets, not mosquito nets.
40. You’re told the agenda for the day, it’s simply just an idea.
41. People ask you for money just because you’re white.
42. You grab a lizard instead of a razor, then decided to never shave again.
43. You never know what day it is.

 

Written by: Dariella, Chelsandra, Abiliqa, Katie-bug, Kate the great, Mad-dog, Bail’s, and AL.